Friday, September 25, 2009

Top Five Most Glorious Follow-Up Songs to One-Hit Wonders of the 00's

The decade is coming to an end. Let's celebrate by reviewing some of the spectacular tunes we've endured these fine ten years. This is the first of many decade-ending retrospectives I will be producing in the next few weeks. Big props to my friend Luke who started the trend at his blog, Clean Undies.

Nothing filled the cavernous hole known as "immediately catchy pop music" better than the one-hit wonders. After long nights of basking in the glory of such bands as "The Baha Men," and "Crazy Town", I've come to the precise conclusion that people liked some crummy shit. But you know what they say: culture is a reflection of the people in it. And no decade is much different from the last, or the next.

Below is not a listing of those one-hit wonders. VH1 already covers that in their countdowns.

Three Cheers! to the recent addition of the misery known as the "Where are They Now" follow-ups.

The following is five of best of "the failed follow-up songs," the music by artists who tried recapturing that lightning in a bottle and failed gloriously. And fabulously.

For full disclosure: to make this list, you must have had a completely absurd hit song that most Americans loved and will never forget, and then follow up, within a year or two, with a tune that is disastrous. An over-blown music video adds value to this anti-hit.

Enjoy! Add some comments/reasons why the song wasn't a hit, if you'd like!

Musician: Lou Bega
Hit: Mambo Number 5
Anti-Hit: Just a Gigolo


Three reasons why this didn't work:
That crazed look in his eyes. That's the realization that he's not famous anymore.
I think America finally realized Lou Bega's middle name is "overcompensation".
How much booty did Lou Bega REALLY get?

Artist: Crazytown
Hit: Buttefly
Anti-Hit: Toxic


Three reasons this didn't strike gold:
The ugliest band of all-time? Check.
Trying hard to be Linkin Park AND Korn? Check.
Even your Meth-head neighbor thought this was awful.

Artist: Eiffel 65
Hit: Blue (Da Ba Dee)
Anti-Hit: Move Your Body


Why didn't this work?
The song and video are brilliant in every conceivable way.
Stupid Americans.

Artist: The Baha Men
Hit: Who Let the Dogs Out?
Anti-Hit: Move it Like This


Three Reasons this Sucks:
Pause it at 2:31 exactly.
Everyone in Baha Men kinda looks like Kel from "Kenan and Kel."
This song was written with "Kidz Bop" in mind.
Bonus: The rap breakdown! The rap breakdown!

Musician: Sisqo
Hit: The Thong Song
Anti-Hit: Dance with Me


Three Reasons Why Nobody Remembers This:
No silver hair.
The parts when Sisqo is flying.
No Thongs.

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