Friday, September 25, 2009

Top Five Most Glorious Follow-Up Songs to One-Hit Wonders of the 00's

The decade is coming to an end. Let's celebrate by reviewing some of the spectacular tunes we've endured these fine ten years. This is the first of many decade-ending retrospectives I will be producing in the next few weeks. Big props to my friend Luke who started the trend at his blog, Clean Undies.

Nothing filled the cavernous hole known as "immediately catchy pop music" better than the one-hit wonders. After long nights of basking in the glory of such bands as "The Baha Men," and "Crazy Town", I've come to the precise conclusion that people liked some crummy shit. But you know what they say: culture is a reflection of the people in it. And no decade is much different from the last, or the next.

Below is not a listing of those one-hit wonders. VH1 already covers that in their countdowns.

Three Cheers! to the recent addition of the misery known as the "Where are They Now" follow-ups.

The following is five of best of "the failed follow-up songs," the music by artists who tried recapturing that lightning in a bottle and failed gloriously. And fabulously.

For full disclosure: to make this list, you must have had a completely absurd hit song that most Americans loved and will never forget, and then follow up, within a year or two, with a tune that is disastrous. An over-blown music video adds value to this anti-hit.

Enjoy! Add some comments/reasons why the song wasn't a hit, if you'd like!

Musician: Lou Bega
Hit: Mambo Number 5
Anti-Hit: Just a Gigolo


Three reasons why this didn't work:
That crazed look in his eyes. That's the realization that he's not famous anymore.
I think America finally realized Lou Bega's middle name is "overcompensation".
How much booty did Lou Bega REALLY get?

Artist: Crazytown
Hit: Buttefly
Anti-Hit: Toxic


Three reasons this didn't strike gold:
The ugliest band of all-time? Check.
Trying hard to be Linkin Park AND Korn? Check.
Even your Meth-head neighbor thought this was awful.

Artist: Eiffel 65
Hit: Blue (Da Ba Dee)
Anti-Hit: Move Your Body


Why didn't this work?
The song and video are brilliant in every conceivable way.
Stupid Americans.

Artist: The Baha Men
Hit: Who Let the Dogs Out?
Anti-Hit: Move it Like This


Three Reasons this Sucks:
Pause it at 2:31 exactly.
Everyone in Baha Men kinda looks like Kel from "Kenan and Kel."
This song was written with "Kidz Bop" in mind.
Bonus: The rap breakdown! The rap breakdown!

Musician: Sisqo
Hit: The Thong Song
Anti-Hit: Dance with Me


Three Reasons Why Nobody Remembers This:
No silver hair.
The parts when Sisqo is flying.
No Thongs.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Sports Wednesday - Lame Ass Edition

Worst football week ever. It can only can get better, I hope!

Fantasy Update:

Nobody showed up this week. Thanks, guys!

Lord of the Grundle: Tony Romo
Biggest Flop: Matt Forte

I was even awarded "Toyota's Biggest Fantasy Blow-out of the Week."
I lost by 62.71 points.
I dropped New England's Defense for Cincinnati's.

NFL Observations:

I watched three games this week.

New England Vs. New Jersey (zing!)

What I keep telling myself:

I miss Drew Bledsoe.
It's only one game.
They lost by a touchdown.
Tom Brady is no longer out for the year.
Tom Brady can only get better.
No Wes Welker or Jerod Mayo.
The defense was decent.
Rex Ryan is fat and Bill Belichick is a genius.
It's a regular season game.
It's only September.
Seriously, it's only one game.

New York Vs. Dallas


Tony Romo, three interceptions, you fucking looked stupid.

Eli Manning, game-winning drive, you looked genuinely happy to be playing football.
I approve. I hate you still but less than your horse-faced brother.

John Madden and George W. Bush, they shat together for the whole game.

Jerry Jones: You are such a douche-bag. Most recent reason being that part when you sold tickets to your fans for 'standing room' seats that weren't actually inside the stadium. Read about it: here

Miami vs. Indianapolis

I hate both of these teams.

I rooted for the Colts since Miami is a division foe.

Two things then I'm out:

Peyton Manning, you are the man. I still hate you.
Miami, you suck.

Monday, September 21, 2009


More proof Dan Brown sucks.

A funny Pavement-related post! I'm Slanted and Enchanted. Who are you?

I love the Boston Red Sox. I hate going to Fenway Park.

This is a photo of Troy O'leary. He looks fucking bad-ass.

Dan Brown is a Pussy

Damn, Dan Brown is a pussy. He writes one book and, instead of trying to write in another genre or about another subject matter, he replicates his first one. Probably with a copy machine. Then he puts the second out as a new book.

What a pussy! Try to write something else original, you one trick monkey!

Yes, I read "The Da Vinci Code." I loved it. I was enthralled. I thought everyone around me was deeply conspiring to assassinate me. Or trying steal my sweet Elf Power poster, then find something really mysterious inside of it, possibly the clue that will unlock the date when Neutral Milk Hotel will reunite.

And then I read "Angels and Demons." Funny story: they're the same fucking book. The plot-lines, the characters, the twists, the turns, the writing style, the conspiracies, the secret societies. Oh yeah, it's all there. And a complete copy.

Basically, Dan Brown has a brilliant formula that everybody falls for at least once. That's all. I'll give him that much.

But it turns out "Angels and Demons" came out before "The Da Vinci Code." And now he has a new book out, "The Lost Symbol." That would make five books by Mr. Brown. Probably five copies. I refuse to read any more of his bullshit.

Nobody else realizes this? Or is it nobody cares at all about Dan Brown and you all think he's a pussy, too?

Saturday, September 19, 2009

NBC Thursdays = Good Laughs? Review

Wow, NBC's Thursday Night Lineup is decent-looking on paper. Or in commercials. Whatever.

I hope I have at least a show or two to look forward to on Thursdays!


8-830pm: SNL: Weekend Update Thursday
There were two funny parts in this half hour. That is about average for an hour and a half episode of SNL. The rest of the episode was as mediocre as usual. Isn't that how SNL has been forever, though? Luckily, the funny parts are worth the muck.

Funny part 1: Bill Hader's demented impression of James Carville.

Jump to the 3:35 remaining mark:

Funny part 2: Darrell Hammond, the king of impersonations (was the prince before Phil Hartman got shot) does a killer Jimmy Carter.

Jump to the 3:35 min remaining mark:

Half-way funny part: "Really?!? With Seth (Myers) and Amy (Poehler)"

In an attempt to do semi-funny ranting, the weekend update hosts almost hit this right on. I think, given time or better writing, this segment could flourish.
I like the idea of allowing the anchors to do cultural satire as straight ahead, hell-bent, and death-inducing as fucking possible. "Really?!?" felt a little flat but the format, if tinkered with, could blossom.

Overall rating: C+

I'm a little disappointed. SNL, you had the whole summer off and had two genuine funny parts for your debut?

Luckily, I think they're doing this for a few more weeks until 30 Rock restarts. Also, "Saturday Night Live" will have an actual full episode during their normal time-slot, 11:30pm Saturdays (Duh). Megan Fox and U2. Terrible. Perhaps I will review that.

8:30-9:00pm: Parks and Recreations

I had too-high expectations for this show.

Reasons for Outlandish Presumption:

Co-created by Greg Daniels, one of the gurus from "The Office" (US)

Co-created by Michael Schur, the man behind the now-defunct best baseball blog ever:
Fire Joe Morgan RIP

Aziz Ansari, kinda funny comedian, is in the show.

Why I hated "Parks and Recreation" and watched for twelve minutes:

First off, the camera "mockumentary" style bugged me. "The Office" is presented in the same exact way. They didn't even try to make anything subtly different. Bogus.

I could have gotten by this similarity (duh, because of Greg Daniels) but there was too much to beef about:

Amy Poehler, does her best "Michael Scott clueless yet charming" impression, and fails.
Jim's ex from the Office, Rashida Jones, is boring.
Aziz Ansari is type-cast as "the straight guy who is kind of feminine."
The rest of the cast, "an ensemble," is forgettable.

Overall, my theory is the NBC executives found a witch's cauldron, got stoned, and started throwing shit into the pot that sounded similar to "The Office."

Then, they waited half-way through last year (when it originally debuted), decided the crap had simmered long enough, and decided to air the pool of excrement to the masses.

Somehow, the first six episodes of this car-crash scored enough reviews/ratings for the executives to give it another try this year.

Rating: D

Compared to the varsity squad found on the rest of the night's line-up, "Parks and Recreation" was down on the freshman team. On the bench. Getting the water.

9-9:30pm "The Office"

I had lost touch with this show for the past couple years. A couple friends had recommended going back. Thanks, brothers and sisters! Great episode!

Favorite part:

Creed, hearing Pam is pregnant: "Who's your OBGYN?"

Rating: A-

Not quite a classic episode but still very funny. Steve Carell kills in every scene.

9:30-10pm "Community"

I had low expectations for this one.

Actually was surprisingly funny mostly because the Indian kid makes a funny "Breakfast Club" joke that made me laugh hard.

Rating: B

Overall rating for the night: B

Bonus: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia satirized "Juno," in their season premiere.
Rating: B

Things I'm Bad At

Things I'm Bad At:
Saying No to Buying Pavement Tickets. I got a pair to the Friday show!

True story: The first and only time I went fishing I somehow a hook got caught on my cheek. I also threw a rod into the water. And it sunk to the bottom of the lake.

Conclusion: Slippery hands sink sucky sports.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Pavement Tickets Onsale Tomorrow

Remember the day in math class, probably around the middle school years, when you figured out which numbers, when typed into your calculator, formed the word BOOBLESS?

Well, the pure excitement that moment created in my life is only equivalent to the recent Pavement reunion concert announcement. Tickets on-sale tomorrow, 9/18, at 10 am.
Password: boobless (kidding, it's zowee).

News article here (via Pitchfork): Pavement Reunion
Ticket info here: Pavement Tickets

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jimmy Carter, Ballsy

I don't know how far off Jimmy Carter is with his remarks about President Obama. There's at least a little truth in there.

Overall, I am impressed simply with the fact he decided to call out the racist fucks that still inhabit this country. Sometimes I wonder if we've all already forgotten how extraordinary it is that we elected a black president. We have a twisted history when it comes to minorities. I hope the road ahead doesn't leave the country more divided. I fear it may.

Anyways, I think it's important to still think about this stuff. For that:
Bravo, President Carter, bravo.

Don't Pee on Me

Dear CNN,
The following video is a perfect example of why most intelligent young people receive their news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. And I LOVE poop jokes.

Sports Wednesday(s)

Since I now have access to ESPN and NESN, I'm able to watch sports consistently again. I've been feasting on the NFL, the Boston Red Sox, and some college football here and there.
The next few weeks are my favorite of the year in the world of grunting men.

In conclusion, every Wednesday for a while, I'll be barfing up some sports observations and whatnot. Oh, and I do fantasy football, I'll have stories from that, as well.

Let's do that first:

Fantasy football notes:
• I had to root for the Oakland Raiders to score a bunch of points against the San Diego Whale's Vaginas. My opponent had San Diego's Defense. That's right: fantasy week 1 came down to the end of a Raider's game. JaMarcus Russell heroically threw a 4th and 15 60 yard TD pass with two minutes left, sending SD's D point total down the toilet. Thanks, JaMarcus! My new AFC West team is the Raiders, officially. And my next adopted child will be named JaMarcus.

This is a whale's vagina:

• The other Monday Night game, my Patriots versus the Bills, also had large fantasy ramifications. I have the Pats' D on my team. If you watched the game, you may recall the atrocities the referees tried to pass over as penalties. Now, in fantasy football, sacks count as one point each. On two such abuses of power, the refs took back two huge sacks on New England, claiming they had hit the quarterback too hard. That's right: there are penalties in the NFL against hitting people too hard. So I lost two huge points on those plays AND the Pats almost lost. Fuck, what a night.
• In the end, I won this week by exactly 1.1 points. Legacy of Brutality, 1-0.
• Tony Romo had a big week, he's my fantasy MVP.
• Matt Forte, my number one pick, choked on Jay Cutler's member, and is my fantasy LVP.
• Joey Galloway, who had 0 points, is my fantasy DLGS (Disappeared Like Governor Sanford).

Other Sports Observations
• Philip River is the least-likable player in the entire NFL. He sucks more than Peyton or Eli Manning. More than the entire Steelers franchise. More than TO. He's the Sarah Palin of the NFL. If you have never seen him play, just trust me. He talks shit way too much, but claims to never swear. And has zero Super Bowl rings. Terrible.
• I have had a good feeling about the Red Sox the past few months, even when they were playing like Charlie Brown. Haven't you ever seen a baseball movie? The team has to suck at some point in the season so then they can, you know, overcome stuff.
• I especially am falling in love with Clay Bucholz. He has the best stuff a Red Sox starter has had since Pedro Martinez. His curve-ball and change-up have finally come around. He make me so proud, it's like watching a puppy finally learn how to poop outside.
• College Football is fun to watch even though I know about three players and NCAA sports are as corrupt as the city of Providence (zing). The USC/Ohio State game Saturday night was decent. The USC Quarterback, who is 18, my brother's age, showed some balls and won the game for the Trojans at the very end. Great job!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Breaking News! Richard Hell in Hadley!

Richard Hell is doing a book reading at Grey Matter Books in Hadley, MA, at 7:30pm September 19.

Big ups to David for the tip. I heard about the reading on his great garage rock radio show, Blank Generation, Tuesday nights, from 8-10pm. Stream it, and other programming, here: WMUA 91.1

Richard Hell is a punk rock pioneer. Everybody ripped/rips him off. Go see him!

For those of you who don't know:


I'm only a messenger. Don't kill me if this proves to be wack.

Click here (via Brooklynvegan):
Pavment Reunite!

My favorite Pavement tune, for those of ya'll who just don't know who the fuck I'm talking about:

Talking Heads Best Performance?

At a Flywheel Record Sale a couple years ago I bought a Talking Heads DVD, Live in Rome 1980.

They're on my personal top 5 favorite musicians ever list, so generally I buy anything I see by them.

I didn't get around to watching the DVD until a few months later.

Little did I know, the footage is easily better than "Stop Making Sense" and may be my favorite musical performance of all-time.

Hyperbolic? See for yourself! That's right: I hunted down videos from the show on the internet.

Five things to watch for:

1. Adrian Belew just tearing apart the guitar, Nels Cline-style. He was in King Crimson and did studio work with Bowie and others.
2. Tina Weymouth, looking quite fetching. Who knew? Five years later, during "Stop Making Sense," she was putrid.
3. The insane Italian crowd yelling stuff.
4. Cross-eyed and Painless.
5. Tina Weymouth, taking off her sweater at one point. David Byrne, if you look closely, gets a boner.

Seriously though, if you have any interest in Talking Heads in any way, give these videos a spin.
Click here:
Talking Heads Live in Rome

John Belushi as Joe Cocker

Music is a Sin has returned! My first post in a couple months!

I've been reading a bit about the old "Saturday Night Live" crew and purchased Season One.

The first couple of episodes are forgettable, especially episode 2, featuring the most lame duo of all-time, Simon and Garfunkel. Literally 45 of the 70 minutes program are the two soft rock legends 'reuniting.' I actually puked.

Sitting through those two soul-suckers fondle each other for that long made me re-think buying "Saturday Night" (its original name) altogether. Episode 3 is a complete turnaround.

He needs no intro:

Watch John Belushi - With A Little Help From My Friend in Comedy | View More Free Videos Online at

Saturday, September 5, 2009