Cool
Sucks
In today's post, I will provide commentary on
the major happenings from the past couple weeks, in order of significance to me.
IT WILL BE CALLED
COOL
VERSUS
SUCKS
Cool: SARAH PALIN RESIGNS FROM HER JOB AS GOVERNOR OF ALASKA
Why This is Way Cool: Sarah Palin scared me more than I'd like to admit when she ran with that old guy last year for leader of the country.
Luckily, Americans recognized that fascist porn stars should not run the government.
God Fucking Bless America.
In conclusion, when I heard Palin was resigning, I did a pirouette.
Cool Level (Out of 10): 7.6
The rating would be higher if she was resigning because she got caught boning Trig.
Sucks: OXFORD COLLAPSE BROKE UP
5 Reasons Why This Sucks Ass:
1. They were one of the top ten young punk bands out there.
2. They were one of the top fifteen bands I've ever seen live.
3. Last year's most overlooked album, Bits, was top notch modern punk rock that I'll never hear live again.
4. They were pretty nice dudes, from my encounters.
5. In all, they were old school in the right ways:
They put out colored 7 inches, played tight shows, and ate pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Oxford Collapse will be sorely missed.
Thanks for the tunes and shows.
Suck Meter: 9.9
It reaches the 9.9 because I can't go to any of their farewell fucking shows. Dammit.
Cool: JENS LEKMAN GOT SWINE FLU
Why This Fucking Rules: I hate over-the-top, over-orchestrated, over-wrought, over-bonerized, bloppy bloop music. Go to hell. Who decided that this shit was good?
Cool Level: 5.6
I kind of like a couple songs on that Maple Leafs album or whatever that clever fucking album title is called. It sounds like lo-fi Magnetic Fields. But the new album is the worst shit ever.
Sucks: MICHAEL JACKSON DIED
Why this is shitty: Besides the incessant news coverage? And the depressing footage of Jackson performing two days before dying? And the all the reminders of pedophilia? I guess the fact that he died in front of one of his kids. That's probably the most shitty part.
Shitty Level: 8.0
Name me another artist whose top ten songs can get the dance floor bumping, immediately, without question or hesitation. You can't, you silly fool.
Cool: MISSION OF BURMA ARE PLAYING FRIDAY NIGHT IN NORTHAMPTON
Why Do I Have a Giant Erection: Mission of Burma are more important than the Killers.
Why Did I Mention the Killers?: I kinda hate The Killers.
Why Is This?: The Killers sound like someone dropping diarrhea from their butts when heard next to Mission of Burma.
Cool Levels are shooting through the roof. Can't possibly measure this shit. Gotta go!
Mission of Burma
Why This is Way Cool: Sarah Palin scared me more than I'd like to admit when she ran with that old guy last year for leader of the country.
Luckily, Americans recognized that fascist porn stars should not run the government.
God Fucking Bless America.
In conclusion, when I heard Palin was resigning, I did a pirouette.
Cool Level (Out of 10): 7.6
The rating would be higher if she was resigning because she got caught boning Trig.
Sucks: OXFORD COLLAPSE BROKE UP
5 Reasons Why This Sucks Ass:
1. They were one of the top ten young punk bands out there.
2. They were one of the top fifteen bands I've ever seen live.
3. Last year's most overlooked album, Bits, was top notch modern punk rock that I'll never hear live again.
4. They were pretty nice dudes, from my encounters.
5. In all, they were old school in the right ways:
They put out colored 7 inches, played tight shows, and ate pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Oxford Collapse will be sorely missed.
Thanks for the tunes and shows.
Suck Meter: 9.9
It reaches the 9.9 because I can't go to any of their farewell fucking shows. Dammit.
Cool: JENS LEKMAN GOT SWINE FLU
Why This Fucking Rules: I hate over-the-top, over-orchestrated, over-wrought, over-bonerized, bloppy bloop music. Go to hell. Who decided that this shit was good?
Cool Level: 5.6
I kind of like a couple songs on that Maple Leafs album or whatever that clever fucking album title is called. It sounds like lo-fi Magnetic Fields. But the new album is the worst shit ever.
Sucks: MICHAEL JACKSON DIED
Why this is shitty: Besides the incessant news coverage? And the depressing footage of Jackson performing two days before dying? And the all the reminders of pedophilia? I guess the fact that he died in front of one of his kids. That's probably the most shitty part.
Shitty Level: 8.0
Name me another artist whose top ten songs can get the dance floor bumping, immediately, without question or hesitation. You can't, you silly fool.
Cool: MISSION OF BURMA ARE PLAYING FRIDAY NIGHT IN NORTHAMPTON
Why Do I Have a Giant Erection: Mission of Burma are more important than the Killers.
Why Did I Mention the Killers?: I kinda hate The Killers.
Why Is This?: The Killers sound like someone dropping diarrhea from their butts when heard next to Mission of Burma.
Cool Levels are shooting through the roof. Can't possibly measure this shit. Gotta go!
Mission of Burma
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